Making Time To Make Me Matter

Like most mothers I am guilty of neglecting my own needs in the pursuit of attaining happiness for others. Up until recently this caused me no concern. In fact I almost relished it. I found my happiness in making sure others were happy.

Only lately something has changed.

Sure I still joy in bringing joy to others but now I am starting to understand the importance of putting my own needs first, at least every now and then. A recent trip to the hairdresser and a few little child free outings have reminded me that there is more to me than just being a mum. Not that mums ever really are just a mum but I am fairly certain you all know what I mean.

If you are a regular reader over at A Parenting Life, (and if you are not you should be that place is awesome) you may have noticed that I have been in the doldrums of late. To say life has been a struggle is an understatement. Some mornings just getting out of bed takes more energy than I can easily find.

Life, if you could really call it that, is some where between tedious and monotonous. In may even be a combination of both with a heap of emptiness thrown in for good measure. I am so busy wallowing around in a cesspool of self pity, trying to keep my head above it all that I can't see the forest for all the trees.

Or perhaps it is the never ending stream of chores that constantly need doing that are blocking my vision to happy. Washing baskets seem to be constantly overflowing, both clean and dirty. I tried putting it on the couch in the hope that would motivate me to get it folded and put away instantly, you know because I wouldn't have anywhere to sit. Then I realised I rarely sat on the couch anyway.

Oh and the dishes, don't even get me started on the dishes...

I am sure you get the point.

All of this has been creating a monster in me. One that I am sad to say has been unleashed a few too many times lately for my liking and one that I wish would just go away. Only deep down I know that I am the only one that can make that happen.

This constant running in circles, yet never getting anywhere has left me drained and exhausted. Life doesn't feel like it was meant to be and it has finally taken it's toll.

The good news is

because there is always

and I am nothing if not full of hope.

So from this day forth I will make sure that I make the time to stop and think of me and my happiness. 

I will actively and purposefully seek out something each and every day that is all about me. Carried out purely for my pleasure and happiness. Be it go for a run, write a blog post, have a coffee, sit quietly and gather my thoughts. What ever! As long as it is something that is only for me and something I want to do.

I will remind myself that being a mum and staying at home is my choice. It is something that I want to do and apart from the last little while, something I have greatly enjoyed for some eleven years. Something that has only stopped being so enjoyable because of my attitude.

For as much as I think I can't control a lot of things, there are so many that I can. In fact most of what happens in my daily life is a direct result of my actions and choices.

Joining in with Jess and the crew for

I Need Your HELP! A NaNoWriMo Plea

November is NaNoWriMo. It is where crazed writers try to churn out fifty thousand words in the hope of one day calling it a novel. A challenge that not all can accomplish but well worth it for those who do. The satisfaction of so many words is indescribable. A feeling I really want come November 30.

Source

As I sit here and write I am feeling beyond cool. My arse is firmly planted on a chair while Miss Two happily runs around the air conditioned indoor playground as I sip a rather delicious cappuccino. According to the man on the radio this morning today is bound to shape up as a stinker so I thought I would retreat indoors before I had the chance to discover whether or not they were right.

Really life couldn't be better.

Well supposedly.

The cold hard truth of reality is that on many levels life could be a helluva lot better. But it could also be a lot worse so I am happy to stick with the it's all rosie notion. Because that's what looking for the silver lining and I am always on the look out for that.

Plus most of the areas where there are room for improvement are a direct result of my attitude and how I deal with the situation. Which kinda means that unless I am prepared to change said attitude there is little to no point complaining about it all.

To say I have been grouchy, grumbly and just generally in a bad way of late is possibly an understatement. A bear with a sore paw would make less fuss than what I have lately. In my defense though I do seem to be fighting off a tooth infection. Sigh. No I am not going to a dentist.

Moving along.

One of the first world issues that is getting me down is the lack of readers I feel I have. Or rather the lack of reach I have. Stupid I know. But there you have it. Keeping it all locked inside isn't working so best I spit it out.

You know how it goes, more numbers, more opportunities, more free stuff, just more. Everyone wants their fifteen minutes in the sun. What ego doesn't like being stroked from time to time? In many ways it is only natural. Especially when you can see so many others getting a piece of cake.

Thankfully for me my sensibilities kick in. I know all the hard work that I am sure other bloggers put in. Or rather I know how little effort I put in at times. That is what needs to change before anything else.

Once I try my best then all will work out for the best. That's how it works isn't it?

So with that in mind I am off to instill some discipline within these here fingertips of mine and I calling on you to help me.

In a bid to not be overwhelmed with writing one whole long story over thirty days I am going to write 30 short stories over 30 days which is where you come in. To help me come up with story lines I am asking readers to give me a few prompts to get me started.

So think of a location, object and a genre and hit me with it. Each day I will select one suggest and turn it into a 1800 word masterpiece. Suggestions can be left here in the comments or on my Facebook page. All stories will be published over at Fly By Fiction. Feel free to head over the now and sign up to a feed so you don't miss out on seeing any of the great yarns that I am sure will be told.

Flogging with Grace

Tuesday's Tune

Wanting to develop some structure and regularity to this little piece of the Internet, and being a mad lover of all things linky, I am happily jumping on board Thea's Tuesday's Tunes. Last week it just so happened I had recently blogged about my iTunes player's great selection so it was super easy.

This week I am trying my hardest to be super organised. In fact I am trying so hard, this is actually being written some four days in advance. Ironically it is even before I wrote Friday's FYBF post. Which was the whole reason I came to be at Mac in the first place.

But I digress. This is after all meant to be about a tune.

This week's tune comes from Mumford & Sons. One of my all time favourites. I just love everything about these guys. Their sound just rocks my soul and speaks deep to my being. I find great comfort and strength in their lyrics, this is particularly true for The Cave.

So much so I couldn't help but share them all.

It's empty in the valley of your heart

The sun, it rises slowly as you walk

Away from all the fears

And all the faults you've left behind

The harvest left no food for you to eat

You cannibal, you meat-eater, you see

But I have seen the same

I know the shame in your defeat

But I will hold on hope

And I won't let you choke

On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain

And I will change my ways

I'll know my name as it's called again

Cause I have other things to fill my time

You take what is yours and I'll take mine

Now let me at the truth

Which will refresh my broken mind

So tie me to a post and block my ears

I can see widows and orphans through my tears

I know my call despite my faults

And despite my growing fears

But I will hold on hope

And I won't let you choke

On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain

And I will change my ways

I'll know my name as it's called again

So come out of your cave walking on your hands

And see the world hanging upside down

You can understand dependence

When you know the maker's land

So make your siren's call

And sing all you want

I will not hear what you have to say

Cause I need freedom now

And I need to know how

To live my life as it's meant to be

And I will hold on hope

And I won't let you choke

On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain

And I will change my ways

I'll know my name as it's called again

Seriously I have just sat here for some twenty minutes trying to choose which of these words speak to me the deepest and I just couldn't do. The more I read and re-read them the more I realised that it is the combination of all these words that make them so powerful.

When I birthed Miss Two, Mumford & Sons album Sigh No More, was played so much that the rather rude Midwife asked if perhaps she could change the CD as she had heard it enough. Poor woes her I said.

Joining in with Thea for her

 And because it is Tuesday and this is a blog, I am Blogging on Tuesday with Diary of a SAHM

A hot date and I take being really really ridiculously good looking to a whole new level

Saturday was Mr Awesome's birthday. I was certain that it would provide me with ample opportunity to strut my really really ridiculously good looking self. After all we had lunch booked in with our mothers and while details were sketchy we had a few hours in the evening put aside for a hot date.

Lunch was to be a simple affair down at the local sports club. As a valued member, Mr Awesome, had been sent a $20 voucher to celebrate his special day. We had arranged to meet everyone at 12pm. Naturally at 11.45 we were not even close to being ready to leave so we rang and told everyone to push it back by half an hour. Turns out this suited everyone better anyway.

Even though we were rushing and running late I took the time for a bit of mascara and lippy. Well I coloured my lips in with a lip liner and then rubbed some Vaseline over them for a bit of a shine. That is like lippy isn't it?

Anyway what I didn't do was stop and take a photo of my efforts. Which is a shame because my effort also included wearing a skirt and that doesn't happen every day of the week let me tell you. As we were racing out the door I made some passing remark about how I went to extra effort now in case the whole hot date thing didn't work out. It was almost like my sub conscious could foresee the evening's events.


Cutting a long story short we did manage to make it out. Living life on an edge we randomly decided to catch a bus into the city and go to dinner. Only we didn't exactly leave ourselves enough time to get ready. This resulted in us racing out the door in pretty much the same clothes we wore to lunch except I ditched the skirt in favour of rolled up jeans. Rolled up on account it is to darn hot to wear them otherwise.

Sharing the above photo on my Facebook page Lauren kindly reminded me of what a great opportunity this could be to join in #RRRGL. Or at least it would have been had I not been wearing clothes that I was sure I had already blogged about.

Not wanting to lose an opportunity though I took a few more selfies while waiting for the bus home.

In the first couple I worried my eyes didn't look open. Clearly I then over compensated for that.

Just in case you wanted to see what my rolled up jeans looked like.
Oh and my orange shoes. I love them. Which is lucky because other than sneakers and thongs they are all I have to cover my little feet up with. And to show you that I really had gone all out there is my arm with an extra two bangles on. All out I tell you.

Joining in with all the other really really ridiculously good looking people

Songs on Sunday

Despite spending the greater portion of the week cleaning the house is still in need of  a quick once over. It is such a vicious never ending cycle that we are all to well aware of. In a bid to make this dreariness somewhat bearable I like to listen to music.

Since I find decision making tricky at times I tend to just let iTunes select what is played. Though I do skip through a few here and there. On the whole it is not to bad. Though it does only stand to reason that I would like whatever is played based on the fact that it is my music collection and all.

Every now and then though there comes a stretch of great songs. As I sat down to write this post that very moment was occurring. iTunes had kindly selected one of my favourite songs. Well a cover version of it any way.

From Little Things Big Things grow has been up there in my top favourite list. Having Dan Sultan sing it though just makes my knees go gooey. Dan Sultan has seriously got the look if you know what I mean. He is my school girl giggly, gets me juicy guy.

But moving along.

I am not sure what relevance that has to anything. iTunes had kindly selected the above song for my listening pleasure. As Dan gets to his bit I suddenly realise I could probably view it on YouTube. And low and behold...

The rest, as they say is history.

Next up was

Which while not having quite the same effect on me as Sultan it is still a rather enjoyable tune to do the cleaning to. It is no good for writing as I get to caught up in the heart warming lyrics.

So there you have it, some of the songs I am listening to this Sunday.

What are you up to? Or better still what songs are you listening to?

Joining in with Thea for her Tuesday Tunes

Not quite making the mark, but by no means throwing in the towel

So my plans of moving for thirty minutes a day have not gone so well this week. One may even think that for a few days I actually forgot about my commitment to #OperationMOVE with the ever lovely Kate Says Stuff. The main reason why one may think that is because I pretty much did.

How that happened I am not really sure but it did. After I posted on Friday it was like all thought of exercise just left my mind. Mind you it does appear as if my mind is just a little blank at the moment anyway. Two weeks into it and twice I forget to update Kate on how many minutes I have moved for.

Go me hey?

It is not all doom and gloom though. While I may not have been moving as much as I did in the first week I still have managed to kick to a few goals.

Like on Tuesday when according to my groovy little running app, I had and average pace of 5.18/min/km and a distance of 5.83km for a total of 31 minutes. Run Rhianna Run!

Me after realising the awesomeness of run

Halfway through I started to feel more than just a little buggered let me tell you. I put it down to the run the day before plus all the activity I did in the pool, moments before I embarked on my attempt to break my own personal land speed record.

Did I mention that my app tells me I ran the fourth kilometer with an average pace of 3.53min/km?

There is a part of me that keeps thinking that the app must be wrong. There must be a crossed wire or something. But then there is another part of me that thinks these apps don't get that kind of thing wrong. Do they?

If they do please don't tell me. I am really enjoying the more than awesome that I am currently feeling. Or at least I feel until I remember that I haven't done anything since then. Well I have got a heap of housework and cleaning out the way but not much exercise. Not anything that counts as moving anyway.

So what has been my movement for the week?

Well I went for my amazing 31 minute run on Tuesday. This followed a not so amazing 31 minute run on Monday. As well as 20 minute self guided aqua aerobics on both days. For a grand total of 102 minutes. Adding today/s ten minute bike ride and the week is sitting not so pretty at 112 minutes.  Some thirteen minutes shorter than last week.

So as of today my total movement minutes for the month are 250. Out of 930. Man that seems a lot right now. Best I get going I guess.

What about you? 

Are you part of #OperationMove? 

How did you go this week?

Joining in with

Being Really Really Ridiculously Active and Good Looking

Now I am sure #RRRGL regulars may have been wondering where I slipped off to. With the wedding and the road trip blogging has been at a minimal. I had hoped by now that I would have come across some beautiful photos of myself at my sister's wedding. I haven't. In fact I have barely come across any photos of me at all. Good or otherwise. I am starting to wonder if I was even there?

Thankfully he still hasn't seen the photographer's shots so there is still hope. Which means I will post pone that post for at least another week.

Which is not such a bad thing as it means I can share some of the other funky outfits that I have adorned lately. I there were of course occasions when funky outfits adorned my body.

Instead I give to you this

Yep that is me running. In my not favourite running outfit. It was all a spur of the moment thing. Not the running things, I had that planned all day long. The photo thing was a bit spur of the moment. As I was running I came across this beautiful tree. Since there was a track looping around it I thought I would try my hand at photos on the run.

Because you know, isn't that what Bloggers do?

Anyway I had the camera all ready and waiting for me to get back round near the tree and I thought I wonder what I look like while I run? Well wondering I am no more and now neither are you. And yes taking this was not as easy as you would think.

So there is me with my rather awesome Oakley sunnies that Mr Awesome and the kids got me for mother's day. They are so much lighter than my old ones that I am sure I started running faster with them.

The shirt is a K-Mart special and probably four years old. Though it has really only been the last twelve months that have seen it out and about. Rather pleasingly it is somewhat baggier than when I first got it. Though just between you and me that may purely be because the material has stretched as much as I have shrunk.

The tights are again a K-Mart special. We are after all a single income family and how many horror stories do we know of ridiculous amounts of money being forked out for exercise clothes that never get worn. Having said that though I did score a pair of Adidas running tights from A-Mart for $10 and OMG! The difference is certainly noticeable. So much so that now I am a running addict I may just start treating myself with more in that range.

As for the tree? Well. Don't ask. The photo was so dismal and so not anything like a beautiful tree in full bloom that I deleted the moment I looked at it. It is only now that I am thinking I should have shared it here. Nothing like a little laugh at my expense. Next time I promise.

Joining in with the gorgeous Lauren over at 

The Surprise Beginning who is frocking it up for Frocktober

Oh and it's Tuesday and I am blogging check out 

#IBOT @Diary of a SAHM

-fairy wishes and butterfly kisses