Pausing For Inspiration

As I watched this particular sunset I felt full of inspiration.  The world was my oyster and I was ready to take it on.  Surrounded by such beauty and wonderous colours, a peaceful tranquility was created that made it hard for my mind not to runaway with itself.  

Sitting there I thought of all the wonderful things I could write about.  Thoughts that I wanted to share, feelings I had felt that others would surely want to know about.  A whole bunch of amazing things that would of course leave my reader feeling as equally as inspired and full of wonder as what I currently was.  Or at least make them think of something differently for a moment or two.  

It felt good.

Actually it felt better than good.  

As the sun was setting, ending yet another day it felt like I could do anything.  Right there, in that moment I was free from fears and self doubt.  There was nothing, not even myself, holding me back.  The vastness of the sky and ocean before me was full of nothing but hope and opportunity.

Naturally this would have been the perfect time for me to write.  Had it not been for the fact I was miles away from my computer and with the sunlight fading there was not enough light for the old fashioned pen and paper.  Not that it really bothered me though.  I was happily soaking up the moment and taking in as much as I could.  It was like my mind was bottling it all so I could take it home with me.

Fast forward two days to when I get home though and it appears as if my bottling skills may need a bit of honing.  Either that or my bottle has a leak.  

Perhaps it is even a combination of them both.  Who knows?  

All I know is that when I finally get the chance to sit down and write my mind goes to such a jumbled mess that it may as well be blank.  I can't help but think that blank would be a blessing.  At least it would leave room to start again, which right now seems more appealing than trying to wade through all the ideas that are currently vying for attention in there.

That's what I do you see.  Decide that it is all too hard and start again.  I wrongly think that it is easier that way.  Sometimes it might be, but there are many times when really it would be much better to just focus and get on with it.  Naturally so much easier said than done.

Since I started writing this post, I have been up and down from the computer at least a dozen times.  I have washed dishes, fed children, made lunches, did the school drop off thing, visited my mother and even put a load of washing on.  Which is probably about to start demanding to be hung out.  I have one of those rather rude machines that upon completion of a cycle intermittently beeps until you do something about it. 

Some five hours have passed.

Not only is it hard to maintain the flow of the post, but having faith that the words before me are worth the angst of getting them out.   I don't cope well with having to put a post aside while I tend to life.  Rather than enjoying breakfast time chatting over cereal and making the most of my time with my beautiful girls, I find myself rushing them through so I can bundle them off in search of that seemingly elusive writing time.

Source

I want to use the pause button for life just once, instead of it always going to the writing.  Even as I write these last two paragraphs I have gotten up and down three times.  And even if one of those times was so I could put a sleeping child down and fix myself some food and drink to enable more uninterrupted screen time, I would still rather have paused my need for nourishment.  Or better yet have someone bring me what I need.

Sigh.  Oh to dream.

Instead, now that I have everything aligned for perfect writing time, I am left feeling drained and wondering why I even bother with this crazy notion that I am destined to be a writer.  Destined to be a crack pot maybe.

As I was typing the the words  destined to be a writer there was a voice in my head saying you are writer.  Look at what you are doing RIGHT NOW.  Naturally he comes with an equally loud voice that taunts back.  I try hard not to listen to that one though.

Anyway incase you had failed to look at a calendar today it is Tuesday.  Which means only one thing 

@Diary of SAHM