Running Thanks to Twitter

While I was scrolling through Twitter this morning.  You know, as you do to prolong the moment when you actually have to swing your feet over the edge of the bed, when I came across this tweet from Nee.

For a very long time I didn't get the whole exercise thing either.  I played lots of sports as a early teen and then led a rather active life in later youth.  After all dancing on tables all night long is no easy feat, even when it is alcohol fuelled.  Along came children and breastfeeding and the dancing stopped as did lots of other activities.  It didn't bother me too much though because for the most part my body seemed to take care of itself and I never felt fat.

Eventually that changed though and I was suddenly hiding from cameras and cringing if I saw myself in a photo.  There was a part of me still trying to convince me I wasn't fat but a louder part cried even if you are not fat you sure have some excess weight and are really unfit.

The real clincher for me was the Wii Fit.  Apparently that stupid little machine thinks I am obese.  I am 165cm tall and weigh a comfortable 76kg.  Is that really obese?  Regardless of whether it is or not it was enough to see me start thinking about doing something.

October year before last, saw me pay for a gym membership.  I went for the first two months.  Well I went a couple of times in the first two months.  I was supposed to get a free session with a personal trainer.  They could never find one that had time for me.  I took that as a sign I wasn't meant to be there.  I then made up a thousand other excuses why I couldn't go.

Since then I have half heartily tried to get out there and be active.  For the most part it was all hit and miss and made no difference to my lifestyle at all.  Then about three months ago something happened.

Once again I was trawling through tweets and killing time while I waited for the housework to take care of itself (which by the way it didn't) when I came across conversations between some fellow bloggers and their adventures with a fitness app.  They would post their times on Twitter after a workout and I suddenly found myself thinking I wonder if I could do that.  Before long I had the app and was on my way.

The first few weeks were hard but rewarding.  Oh so rewarding.  I could literally feel myself getting stronger and fitter and even faster each and every time I got out there.  I loved it.  For the first time in my life I could see why so many people made time to go running.  I felt rather special to be joining the club.  I had always looked at runners with some form of admiration.  Being rather uncoordinated it was rather exciting to think that with a bit more time I too could be running.

Running along here is one of my favourite routes
I live in a capital city and I love the fact I can still run alongside a creek

Today I completed Day 3 of Week 7 of my running program.  Even though it says week 7 I probably started more like 10 weeks ago.  I had a week off when I was sick and then repeated week 6 for a while because I was starting to really struggle with completing each workout.

As I type there is a part of me that still doubts whether I will ever really be a 'runner' as such.  Next week is the last week of the program.  Which means in three runs time I should be able to run for 5kms.  Or for 30 minutes straight.  To be quite honest I am not sure I will do either.

Today was a 27 minute run.  Or rather it was supposed to be.  After about 12 minutes I wanted to stop.  I just wasn't feeling it.  At all.  I kept going though.  Albeit very very slowly.  That is what the last week and a half has been like.  Super slow going.  In 38 minutes I traveled around 4.5km.  Ten minutes of this is for warming up/cooling down with the left meant for running.  Today I ran as much as I could then walked for 20 seconds or so to catch my breath and start again.

I should feel proud of that effort, but I don't really.  I know that twelve weeks ago there is no way I would have been able to do that, however for some reason there is a part of me that feels like a failure.  Which is just plain stupid.

You see the problem is it is getting harder to actually see any difference.   I was never really doing this for the weight.  I really just wanted to be fitter.  I wanted to be able to run.  The first month however saw kilos fall and muscles tighten.  This motivated me to keep on going.

Now however the weight seems to be floating around the same numbers and whatever muscle tone I thought I had gained seems to have disappeared.  This is by no means motivating.  Today I went the same distance as last time I ran only this time I know I walked more than I did the time before.  I keep trying to tell myself that all that means is when I did run I was running faster but it is a hard one to buy.

So where to from here?

Well I am going to keep on going I guess.  I need to remind myself that this is something that I want to do.  And it is.

I WANT TO BE FIT.

As nice and encouraging as numbers and stats are they are not the be all and end all.  The fact that I am out in the fresh air three times a week, being active and pushing my body, needs to be reward enough.  I am sure that if I just keep going it won't be too much longer till the feeling of being a running fraud (based on how slow I am) gets left behind and I start to feeling like a running champion.

One step at a time.

Joining in with Fitness Friday over at Kate Says Stuff and Team Friday at BBeingCool