May 22, 2012

What Matters? - Open and Honest Communication

It goes without saying really that open and honest communication is not only the best form but should also be the only way we communicate with each other.  Sadly though this is not always the case.  Sometimes due to fear, shame  people do not alway openly communicate.  Sometimes this is through no fault of there own and sometimes with a bit of bravery and understanding it can be worked through.

As much as possible I like to think that I am an open communicator.  Both in the real world and here in the blogosphere.  There is never any doubt about the honesty aspect but there are at times instances when I know I am not as open as I could be.  This is particularly true in real life.  If anything I am probably more open about things on the blogs than I am in person.

For example, the other week I won a prize from a Facebook page.  The prize was a lady cup.  Which I am pretty excited about because I have been eyeing these off for a while but resisted buying one in case I didn't like it or it didn't work or whatever.

Even though I am sharing knowledge of my win here, there is only one person in the real world that I would discuss this with.  She has one already and is one of the most open and honest communicators about women stuff I have ever come across.  There is no taboo or off topic when it comes to the female body with this chick.  Which I love.  I know that there is no way me talking about the lady cup with her would make her feel uncomfortable.  You see when discussing such issues it is not only my comfort I consider but also how the other party to the conversation may be feeling.

As a rule I am not particularly comfortable discussing delicate women things.  I am of the belief that those personal monthly moments are just that, personal and therefore not necessary to discuss publicly.  Why I am so tight lipped on this I am not sure because I am far from prudish, but I have just never had a group of women I could sit down and chat about such things.  I can't help but wonder if I never found these women because I was never brave enough to broach the subject.

Up until now though it has never been an issue and I have given it little to no thought.  Now however I am the mother of three girls.  One of whom is 11.  Which is kinda code hurry up and find a way to start talking about all this secret women's business.

The thing is I don't want my girls growing up not feeling comfortable with their bodily processes.  I want them to embrace it and feel at one with their body.  Which I am sure is quite doable with open and honest communication about the changes they will one day go through.  Sounds so easy when said like that doesn't it?

Now ideally I should be able to go to my mother and as for some guidance on the matter, only that just won't work on this one.  Obviously mum had a go at explaining the birds and the bees and all that to me when I hit puberty.  Let's just say I was not exactly impressed with how she went around it.  If the truth be told she is partially responsible for my inability to discuss all of this.  You see I figure if she had of handled it all differently I wouldn't be struggling with what to say now.

I don't want my daughters going through life feeling embarrassed or shame by something that happens each and every month to just about each and every woman.  Yet I can't find a way to introduce the topic.  Then to make things even worse I start some self beating about the relationship I have with them because surely if it was a fantastic as I think it is in my head I wouldn't feel at such a loss on how to go about all of this.

All I know is I need to work something out.  And quickly.  Every passing day is one day closer till I have no choice but to discuss it.  I remember my first period.  Having no idea why I was bleeding from there.  Mum had a best friend over.  A woman I had known all my life and loved almost as much as my own mother.  I still couldn't go out and tell them.  I thought something was wrong.  I hoped that if I just changed my knickers it would stop and go away.  If only it were that easy.

In a bid to try and get my head around some of this I have turned to Google.  Apparently one way to go about it is with a first period party.  Complete with girl to womanhood cups and plates

Possibly a little over the top?
The outside of the card doesn't do much for me but the words inside are a bit nice

I keep telling myself that when the time is right I will know just what to say.  I hope this is the case.

What about you?  Do you already know how you will deal with this?

Joining in over at Diary of a SAHM for


  1. Great post. Please let us know how you go with the cup. Not an issue for me at the moment, being pregnant, but I'm looking forward to trying one out in future - they actually sound a lot easier (once you get the hang of it) and more hygienic than the other options.

    I'm a long way from these discussions with my little ones, but although I'm pretty comfortable being open with them, I don't think I'll be doing the party... all seems a bit too corny for me!

  2. Hi...I hear you on the "what will I say" to the girls, but as a senior ..mum and grandmother...I can tell you that it may never have happened with my mum, but my daughter always knew about 'what a period' was about from around time aged 9 or so. These days girls develop even earlier but I chose this time, as being a teacher, knew that 'the girls' would be chatting about it anyway. I was telling another person recently that the best convos to have with kids are the side by side the car, washing up, as there doesn't need to be eye contact.
    There are terrific books about for your daughters and you, and even though you feel somewhat reluctant to discuss these matters with others, why not tell your girls how Mummy feels and chat more freely?
    My granddaughters both reached puberty unspectacularly and were prepared by the mum (and dad, as the parents are divorced) so that they always had a discrete little purse with them for the months beforehand...just in case.
    Hope that helps. Kids are more resiliant than we know sometimes
    Popped over from Jess as part of #TeamIbot

  3. i think its definitely a hard thing to navigate - but i one hundred percent believe that you will know exactly what you need to say and share with your daughters when the time is right. especially if you have been building open and honest in your communication thus far.